CanUMatchMyLifestyle.com Community Forum.

[Nina Long]

THIS LAST ONE TAKES THE CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)


TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the
lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.. I picked up
one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that
today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.


THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive
and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was
using the ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you
need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car
keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.
It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank
piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be
fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'


Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

[Nina Long]

HYMN # 365



This is too funny - but I suspect the minister didn't appreciate it.

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down..

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

Smile - life is too short not to!!
See you at the river !!